I have stopped taking Strattera as of today. I still feel all the things I have described in previous posts, but I hope they will begin to subside. An interesting thing happened last night. I took NyQuil before bed and experienced tracers! I waved my hands in front of my face and the tracers were very visible. Weird. One regular dose of NyQuil. I'm going to keep writing about the symptoms decreasing, and I am also going to see psychiatrist tomorrow.

Went to bed at like midnight last night with the awesome help of NyQuil Cold and Flu. Awoke in the morning to pee at 8:20am full of energy, 20 minutes before my alarm was scheduled to go off. I was starting to think I was actually going to have a energetic and good day. I went to school and started trying to pay attention in class and I hadn't done the reading for class for the first time. So I can't exactly compare the experience in terms of how involved I was. All I know was that I wasn't compelled to talk or contribute, that there seemed to be an increased comfort level in silence and listening. People seem to talk more than usual, or I am just not interrupting as much. All through class I was trying to even look at people while they spoke but every time I would move my eyes left or right I would get extremely light-headed and dizzy. Almost as if my head were a balloon tied down to the heavy weight of the rest of my body. I felt like passing out during the entire class. I did add my two cents once and my heart starting racing ridiculously fast but I didn't quite feel anxious because it was as it I wasn't totally occupied with the panic. I did suddenly feel out of breath for no reason though. I feel like I'm not totally into my interactions with people, and that things are sort of automatic. I do respond and think, but I feel like there's something missing; I'm not thinking enough. I wonder if people notice or think its more pleasant talking to this new zombie version of me, or they miss the quirkiness that I exhibited randomly before. I feel as though I'm less funny. That all my emotions are less polar. Everyone is walking much faster than me everyday. I used to be whizzing past the others but again I feel slowed by this drug. I also don't feel more motivated. I cringed at the thought of doing and kind of paper, when before, without any drugs, school was no real big deal. Also there is a programming project assignment which I usually do the day it assigned, but for some reason now I don't feel like doing it. Work seems like it would be really difficult. I am going to try and do my programming project which should be easy and enjoyable. Also gave up on the penis, it is a useless small organ that dangles between my legs now.

I went to bed last night at 4am, after watching the Shining in 1080p. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and then got ready to sleep. My dreams were the same as earlier in the day, where I wasn't actually asleep. My dreams involved many entities that were all trying to achieve the same means but competed needlessly with each other. I would experience each entity's will and plan and then wake up, and fall back asleep and dream about another one. I can't exactly remember what the dreams were about though I felt as though I had been "asleep" for at least 8 hours, and when I awoke, I was wide awake, and I looked at the clock, and it was only 7:00am! I had been not fully asleep for the past three hours in which each minute must have been elapsing in real-time, because I felt like it should be at least 4 hours later. I jacked off this morning, and had the same experience. Difficult to get an erection, some premature fluid and then for the real orgasm once again wasn't as powerful, it didn't make me sleepy as it usually does, and the ejaculate was like a leaking water fountain, the fluid thin and watery.

After suffering last night, and being able to watch my bodily functions start to operate in an unusual manner, I don't think I can continue using this drug. I cam going to call my psychiatrist now.

UPDATE: My Psychiatrist doesn't remember who I am, or what I am on, so I tell him and all he says is that I seem concerned and If I am "freaked out" stop taking it, but that the reason they ramp up dose gradually is because side-effects tend to decrease gradually. So I guess Ill drop my dose to [10mg] for the next few days. I am going to pop one now.

- STRATTERA -

Second day starting Statterra [20mg]. I was able to obtain an almost full erection the first time I wanked today. I had more difficulty obtaining orgasm than usual, though I felt almost nothing when I did. The only real proof I had were the fluids. Later, I had sexual urges once again, which is normal. Only I could not get an erection. I could not even get it halfway hard. Frustrated, and worried, I kept at it for an hour, and eventually it started to get some blood into it, and I started actually feeling pleasure from it. I only achieved a full erection when I eventually orgasmed. The orgasm was less pleasurable than normal, but lasted longer. The contractions didn't last longer but a sustained feeling of orgasm lingered, and then turned into a feeling of needing release, as though my orgasm hadn't completed. Then I tried to pee, and it felt like by suing muscles I normally use to pee, I would finish the orgasm. So I tried to pee, and the feeling increased, but the pee never came, so I eventually left the bathroom, and the feeling went away.

I've already had some difficulty peeing prior to taking the medication. I would feel as though it took a lot longer than it should, and the end of the stream was too weak to prevent pee from leaking onto my penis to drip into the toilet. Or sometime I would emtpy all of it, try to be sure it was all gone, and as soon as I put my penis away, a small amount would drip into my underwear. This was starting to subside, or I was finally learning to be more careful.

I also feel extremely unmotivated to go to work, or start any homework. I don't know if I can attribute that to the drug, or maybe I am procrastinating and using side-effects as an excuse. I haven't done much of anything today however. I haven't even played games or do anything to entertain myself.

This morning I was almost too unmotivated to consume my protein shake for breakfast like I do every day in order to stay fit. I should be eating something else right now, but I'm not hungry and I don't really feel like doing anything.

I don't feel depressed really, I just feel like today is a day. A day that is unconnected to anything else. I received payment for my item on ebay, but I thought, hey maybe I should figure out how long it will take to arrive, depending on what shipment i choose, before I tell them "thanks I will ship your order on the 7th." But I don't feel like calculating that, I dont even feel like looking online. I don't feel sad but I don't feel like doing anything at all. I'm too lazy to even surf the internet and learn new things, or play Rock Band. I don't feel like reading for leisure, or even watching a movie or TV.

(I have a sore throat today, but I don't think this is related to the medication. I started showing symptoms the day before I started taking Strattera. Also I am very cold and no one else is. I probably have a fever.)

Update:I spent the last two hours feeling not really tired, but when I decided to do something I felt like sleeping. So I started to situate myself on the couch to read, and read around 5 pages before I noticed I was dosing off and so I put my Kindle down, and laid on the couch for a while, dreaming but not quite asleep. I eventually got up, not feeling as though I had slept and moved to the bed, where I did the same thing for another hour. Occasionally thinking I should get up but feeling as though I was living out more interesting and immersive events when I closed my eyes. I was dreaming I was talking to people, doing things, resolving issues, and having fun. But although I enjoyed it, I decided to get up to write this. I don't feel anymore rested or tired than before. And I have accomplished nothing today at all. I wonder if I'll sleep.